NIPPLES! NIPPLES AND PUBES EVERYWHERE!

You just never know what a text message is going to bring...

Me: *cries* stupid back (injury)... now I can't have a dirty weekend! Not fucking fair!! :'(

Facey McBones: Ohhhh booooooo

Me: I know right... Man, someone had better come through on the adoring me thing pretty fucking soon or I'll explode

Facey McBones: ... Starfish?

Me: Against my religion as a born-again slutguts.  Maybe if I tranquilise myself?

Me: Still have to deforest ffs...

Facey McBones: Lol

Me: Not like I can outsource that. Can't afford a wax right now and I'm certainly not getting someone in to shave...

Facey McBones: Yeah, bit awkward.

Me: You'd certainly find out who your real friends were!

Facey McBones: Bwahaha this is true. I've shaved and waxed friends butts for them before... it's not really something friends should do

Me: Damn and I was going to ask you lol

Facey McBones: Hahaha negative, sorry. I love you but it's not something I'm ever gunna do again hahaha

Me: Killjoy.

Me: On reflection though wouldn't you rather ask a friend than a stranger?

Facey McBones: Nope

Me: Weirdo.  At least you'd know your friends are only judging you coz it's fucking funny

Facey McBones: Bullshit. If you got your mates to shave your bits they're TOTALLY judge your bits while they were doing it. Doesn't matter whether it's good or bad, they'd still be taking note. It's the comparison thing. everyone does it and because your mates don't peer into the misty eye for work (unless they do) they aren't desensitised to the various axe wounds that nature provides, so they'll be checking out your lady garden hardcore

Me: Totes ok with that.

Facey McBones: Hahahahahahaa. Sicko.


7 hours later...

Me: DEFORESTATION COMPLETE BWAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA FUCK YOU PUBIC HAIR

Facey McBones: Best. Text. Ever.

Me: See, who said vodka and medication was a bad mix! Look what you can achieve!


And even later that same day...

Me: FACEY!! RAPUNZEL IS BREAKING MY BRAIN

Facey McBones: I'm so proud of her :D  What did she do?

Me: She's talking about missing nipples, and buying fake stick on nipples, and what if they don't match, and buying extra fake stick on ones and putting them all down her chest and tummy and wearing her cat ears

Facey McBones: Sounds reasonable to me

Me: If I could get fake nipples I'd wear them EVERYWHERE

Facey McBones: Me too. I'd put them just slightly hanging out of my hem lines

Me: On your 30th birthday lol

Facey McBones: Bahahaha

Me: She wants to be literal catwoman for my homemade superhero birthday party :D

Facey McBones: Oh My God. I want her babies

Me: You could have several - she could nurse them all at the same time

Facey McBones: ... that's kinda hot.

Me: I know right.