The gospel according to ...

So further to our earlier post we've decided, all be it completely unintentionally, to explore the finer points of literary characters down time and then more of the bible...

Charlie: ...When you're reading a book and you mark the page and go to sleep, do you ever wondering what the characters in the book do until you pick it up again? I imagine it's like Toy Story when they all kinda come to life when the room is empty. Also it would depend on the book.

Me: They generally live in my brains and then in my dreams.
Charlie: Yeah but what do they do?

Me: Get my imagination to play in :\

Charlie: Like that 50 Shades of Shite for example: I totally imagine her changing entirely once the cover of the book is shut..."get off me, I need to do my nails" or some shit and he's like "...but my whips and chains..." and she's all "shut up bitch, ain't no rings on these fingers!" coz in my head she's totally black and all.

Me: I...I don't think that's how it goes lol

Charlie: Bullshit. AND, right, the guys in the Pratchett books all get ripped every time the book is closed. Dibbler totally has a secret compartment in his hot sausage inna bun tray filled with acid or some shit.
Me: You sure it's Dibbler that's been at the acid dear?

Charlie: And the guys in the Bible are smoking hashish because that's a cultural thing over there isn't it? And the wives are like "Oh for fucks sake" as the disciples are coming home with these stories that Jesus was telling them "Hey you will never believe this...There was this multitude right and they didn't bring their lunch and Jesus man, that dude is like some catering motherfucking GENIUS! He got like some loaves and fishes and gave everybody some and nobody was hungry. I think he invented haute cuisine or something and it was AWESOME." And their wives are all like "Yep. Good. Great. You smell like hash ya druggie fuck"."
And they're like "MIRACLES!" and their wives are like "DRUG-INDUCED HALLUCINATIONS!" and they're like "shut up shut up shut up! You don't know, man, you weren't there!" And then stones are flying around at peoples heads and it was all bad.

Me: I'm assuming that this is post Jersey Shore era Bible talk. You know, after they've all completed the STD Pokemon challenge and realised that they'll probably have to marry the chicks they've knocked up?

Charlie: Yep. Sesame seeds and all.

Me: I'm pretty sure we should write a gospel "The gospel according to Charlie Blowfly and Facey McBones"

Charlie: Anyway they're called STI's now. Because apparently "infections" sounds SO much better than "diseases".

Me: You're a bit too familiar with that subject for my liking.

Charlie: I'm educated. Stop looking at me like that.

Me: Mmmhmmm